Reviews | Bo Hines’ Banana Republic gaff is set to launch a new GOP fashion line

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Retail politics is not what it used to be.

Trump-endorsed congressional candidate Bo Hines, the Republican nominee for North Carolina’s 13th district, recently weighed in on all talk about turning the United States into a banana republic, one of those nominal democracies where the rule of law is fragile. But Hines, a former college football player, spoke as if everyone was referring to Banana Republic, the clothing retailer.

“A lot of people have compared the current situation, which is to say that we are in a banana republic,” he told radio host John Fredericks. “I think it’s an insult to the banana republics across the country. I mean, at least the director of Banana Republic, unlike our president, knows where he is, why he’s there, and what he’s doing.

Hines’ campaign retroactively called it a “joke.” Ha! I almost split my pleated chinos.

Sorry, but that excuse is total Lululemon. Misunderstanding a universal idiom, especially while slandering President Biden’s mental acumen, suggests that Hines just isn’t very PetSmart. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10, he is Five Below.

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But it’s the season for retail blunders. The campaign of Mehmet Oz, Republican candidate for the Pennsylvania Senate, made a video of the candidate shopping at a Redner’s supermarket, which Oz misidentified as “Wegner’s”, apparently confusing it with Wegmans. He stuffed his arms with broccoli, asparagus, carrots, guacamole and salsa — supermarkets have carts, Dr Oz — then, blaming Biden for the high prices, complained, “It’s $20 for raw vegetables and that does not include tequila.”

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Only a man who owns 10 houses (while laying claim to two) would call a plate of vegetables “crudités”. How about salsa for a veggie dip? Call the gazpacho police!

In fairness, there’s been a bipartisan assortment of grocery blunders over the years: George HW Bush’s magical encounter with a supermarket scanner, Dan Quayle’s defeat by a potato, John Kerry asking for Swiss on his Philly cheesesteak, Barack Obama wondering about the price of arugula at Whole Foods, Mitt Romney ordering a sub in hoagie country, Gerald Ford eating a tamale with the shell on and Sargent Shriver ordering a Courvoisier in a metalworker bar.

But, as usual, MAGA Republicans upped the gaffe volume to 11, ranging from smart people saying dumb things (like when Fox News’ Sean Hannity, in a segment poking fun at Biden’s cognitive functioning, introduced Kellyanne Conway as “Kellyanne Trump”), to others who talk nonsense (such as when Senator Tommy Tuberville, Republican of Alabama, asserted that the “three branches of government” are “the House, the Senate and the Executive”).

Leading this confederation of dunces is Georgia GOP Senate candidate Herschel Walker. He took the position that there are 52 states and claimed that the theory of evolution is wrong because, “If that’s true, why are there still apes?” Think about it.”

Then think of Walker’s thoughts on the futility of fighting air pollution: “Since we don’t control the air, our good air decides to float towards China’s bad air. So when China gets our good air, its bad air…moves to our good airspace.

Cleaning up the raw vegetables section!

George T. Conway III: Trump didn’t take the cookies. No. Never. Why ask?

Still, young Bo Hines may have understood something when he compared our current policy to a Banana Republic store.

The retailer aims to encourage sedentary Americans to pose as 19th-century explorers in safari tents or sailboats, wearing “pieces inspired by our history, a story of bold vision and imaginary journeys.” His clothes “A nod to our heritage.”

Maybe Banana Republic could come up with new styles that nod to the imaginary journeys MAGA Republicans propose to take America on:

  • The white linen-nationalist line. Do you long for the days when only white men ruled America? Then upgrade your wardrobe to a great replacement and go back to the skirts, bodices and ponytails of yesteryear.
  • Stasi-style. As you report to the state on the activities of teachers, journalists, and those seeking abortions, show off your fashion sense by wearing the boots, baggy pants, and belted military jackets popularized by the East German secret police. .
  • The Dezinformatsiya line. Russian state television reports that it is “worried about our agent Trump”. Share the concern, visually, with a clothing line inspired by classic Cossack hats and babushka scarves.
  • The Giulani Collection. As Trump’s attorney Rudy Giuliani becomes the target of a criminal investigation, his CFO prepares for a guilty plea, and top-secret government files are discovered at Trump’s home, wear the sharp stripes and jumpsuits bold oranges that define prison chic.

For Republicans, this new fashion brand would be on Target. In fact, it’s deeply rooted in the Anthropology of a MAGA mob gone mad.

About Ryan Headley

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